ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
