I wish life had little blips of pornography
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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