I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
