dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
