Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
