I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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