and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
