Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
