I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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