Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The adults are the big ones right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
