oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
last night I used snow as a chaser
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