Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
