if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
