I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
