I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
