are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
how drunk are you?
Several
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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