you win again, gameday.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
