I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
