Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
