I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
