did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
