I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
