Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
