Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize