This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize