Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's never too late to be topless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
