You work out of a Hotel?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
