You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
