we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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