I looked at my own cervix.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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