I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
