Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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