you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
