Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
