Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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