Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
