I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just gargled with NyQuil
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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