Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
