Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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