I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
