It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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