I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
