The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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