this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
