yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
