Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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