I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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