I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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