he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
