Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
