This is not my ceiling
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
