This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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