Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
