Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
