My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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