Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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