I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
jump out the window naked night went bad
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