the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
