Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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