Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
