Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
